So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
