theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
