I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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