Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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