Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
