Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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