i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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