he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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