She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
