So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
