for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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