Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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