hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
