I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
