...so i touched it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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