it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
