You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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