As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
