I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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