Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We got so high we made milksteak
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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