thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The Olympian is in my bed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
