My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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