I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
