hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
