He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
