I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
