im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize