just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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