90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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