I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
two words: eviction party
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
