You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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