I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
