So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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