Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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