He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
