hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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