I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize