ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
