I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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