She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
