I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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