I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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