i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
