This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
