how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
