I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
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