dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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