My hand turned me down
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
