News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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