he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
