Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
