I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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