There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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