Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
