I want to have your abortion
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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