My hand turned me down
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
