i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
