we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i will never coherently bang her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Randomize
