Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
