No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
