i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
