Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
