It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
