Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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