We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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