So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
