listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
